It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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