so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
