Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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