It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
