if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
