Pants 0. Shit 1.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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