suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
