He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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