If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
