I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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