The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
