all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
