Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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