I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
