You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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