its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My life is pants optional.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
