3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
