Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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