im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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