you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
