dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
