For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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