My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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