I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
