remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
