Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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