When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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