When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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