If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
