he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
