i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
