Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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