I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
