She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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