I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.