didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.