Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5378) Bad night (859)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)

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  (803): I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack) http://tfl.nu/29kp
  Replies (21) Good night (5170) Bad night (656)
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  (661): View more from California

  a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet

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  (661): a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet http://tfl.nu/xcx4
  Replies (36) Good night (3980) Bad night (1174)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.

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  (614): We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams. http://tfl.nu/ox7r
  Replies (47) Good night (10814) Bad night (848)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

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  (203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3
  Replies (16) Good night (5183) Bad night (612)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.

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  (309): I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking. http://tfl.nu/amrn
  Replies (5) Good night (4830) Bad night (982)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...

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  (304): Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof... http://tfl.nu/amda
  Replies (4) Good night (1132) Bad night (1688)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.

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  (520): Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell. http://tfl.nu/mi1d
  Replies (11) Good night (1991) Bad night (879)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.

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  (706): six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot. http://tfl.nu/rrmy
  Replies (6) Good night (1495) Bad night (530)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.

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  (832): No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare. http://tfl.nu/aa8b
  Replies (17) Good night (2328) Bad night (605)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day

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  (216): Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day http://tfl.nu/avmh
  Replies (1) Good night (520) Bad night (853)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...

  (512): View more from Texas

  This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.

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  (512): Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it (1-512): We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream... (512): This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life. http://tfl.nu/ar28
  Replies (5) Good night (2871) Bad night (560)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile

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  (406): Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile http://tfl.nu/ji9d
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (687)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?

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  (401): Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer? http://tfl.nu/x506
  Replies (0) Good night (463) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...

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  (586): I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation... http://tfl.nu/5o32
  Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (463)

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