is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
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Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows