Texts From Last Night

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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.

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  (574): Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility. http://tfl.nu/np4w
  Replies (7) Good night (735) Bad night (788)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.

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  (201): You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/vn8h
  Replies (12) Good night (3402) Bad night (971)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

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  (302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83
  Replies (72) Good night (673) Bad night (3782)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?

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  (703): is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon? http://tfl.nu/fld0
  Replies (66) Good night (7158) Bad night (1606)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

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  (757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby http://tfl.nu/8o91
  Replies (87) Good night (10582) Bad night (1867)
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  (949): View more from California

  while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving

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  (949): while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/8zv1
  Replies (20) Good night (8904) Bad night (615)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.

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  (702): Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter. http://tfl.nu/2ees
  Replies (26) Good night (1635) Bad night (16217)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.

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  (513): You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm. http://tfl.nu/60sn
  Replies (10) Good night (4398) Bad night (855)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."

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  (860): he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk." http://tfl.nu/3tv5
  Replies (16) Good night (2086) Bad night (1014)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.

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  (630): He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick. http://tfl.nu/e6nk
  Replies (29) Good night (1137) Bad night (5933)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.

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  (204): You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times. http://tfl.nu/dj81
  Replies (3) Good night (2068) Bad night (529)
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  (760): View more from California

  You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare

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  (760): You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare http://tfl.nu/ctrq
  Replies (13) Good night (670) Bad night (2184)
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  (760): View more from California

  You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today

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  (760): You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today http://tfl.nu/u74i
  Replies (2) Good night (947) Bad night (441)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA

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  (240): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA http://tfl.nu/oasy
  Replies (2) Good night (333) Bad night (499)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...

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  (402): Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem... http://tfl.nu/aasf
  Replies (2) Good night (684) Bad night (243)

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