Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

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  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7872) Bad night (648)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.

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  (616): And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard. http://tfl.nu/ztg2
  Replies (18) Good night (1172) Bad night (3295)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.

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  (207): Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present. http://tfl.nu/yqaq
  Replies (21) Good night (4443) Bad night (1260)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.

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  (630): Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze. http://tfl.nu/d5vp
  Replies (113) Good night (1508) Bad night (25037)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4972) Bad night (2829)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?

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  (918): Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet? http://tfl.nu/ki3z
  Replies (5) Good night (4595) Bad night (865)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?

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  (330): Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch? http://tfl.nu/ae8u
  Replies (6) Good night (3153) Bad night (959)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.

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  (201): Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea. http://tfl.nu/863y
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (769)
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  (310): View more from California

  If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place

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  (310): If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place http://tfl.nu/skdk
  Replies (11) Good night (1756) Bad night (567)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward

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  (905): I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward http://tfl.nu/lq2w
  Replies (18) Good night (1362) Bad night (563)
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  (530): View more from California

  for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...

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  (530): for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates... http://tfl.nu/xo9l
  Replies (3) Good night (1186) Bad night (439)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.

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  (503): Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here. http://tfl.nu/gxsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1236) Bad night (434)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."

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  (303): I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions." http://tfl.nu/0cl8
  Replies (2) Good night (800) Bad night (427)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.

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  (610): I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real. http://tfl.nu/qhs0
  Replies (8) Good night (550) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.

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  (614): Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex. http://tfl.nu/9dkb
  Replies (0) Good night (407) Bad night (279)

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