and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck