I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.