Pappa wants mamma naked
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
