shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
