Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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