Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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