so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
