i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
