it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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