Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
