I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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