A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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