I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize