her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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