We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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