Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
