I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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