Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
