And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
