just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
