i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize