So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
