i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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