Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
